The time between when a high school senior graduates to when they start college is full of uncertainty. They are likely leaving their hometown or a group of friends they have had for many years. In my case, I graduated from a high school that was in the same school district I was part of since first grade. I knew almost everyone in my grade and the grades above and below me. The concept of enrolling into a new college with people I didn’t know seemed daunting to me. So here are some things I wish I could have told myself:
My stomach tied in knots as I stood alone in my dorm for the first time. My roommate had left to go see her friend who just moved in too. Totes littered the floor, barely unpacked. I didn’t know what to feel. The world seemed to close in on me. I didn’t want to be there anymore, so I walked straight out of my dorm, sat outside the STC, and called my parents.
The following week, I was miserable. I wasn’t eating. I would wake up early every morning wanting to throw up. I would be lying in bed shaking; wanting nothing more than to be at home, in my room. Every little difference stuck out to me. My dorm didn’t smell like Yankee Candles, Downy, and my perfume. I couldn’t hear my dog and cat running around. It wasn’t home.
Classes hadn’t even started, and I was already thinking about dropping out. I was tired of feeling the way I did. I felt like my life was over. Questions flooded my mind, and wouldn’t stop bothering me. What am I going to do? What if college isn’t for me? How am I going to make a living? Why don’t I have any friends? Why is everyone doing so much better than me?
I went home that first weekend, and ended up at the doctors office. It turns out that I was suffering from severe anxiety. A plan was made to help me navigate my adjustment with this new added obstacle. I’m not going to lie, getting that diagnosis hit me really hard. I felt like there was something wrong with me; like I wasn’t in control of my mind or my feelings.
I didn’t want to come back to campus, but I pushed through. My family was extremely supportive of me, and so were all of my professors. As time went on, my anxiety started to fade some. I started eating again. I became comfortable in my classes. I made a friend from the club I joined. We now co-host a radio show together, and it is so much fun!
Now I love it here, so I’m digging my heels in. I’m not letting my fears stop me from living my life. Lasell has given me an amazing opportunity, so I’m going to make the most of it. I have big dreams for my future, and they start here.